girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
