Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
