I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
third nipple confirmed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
