vagina is talking i cant
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
