how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
