those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
