i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
