I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
