They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
