I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
