Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
