I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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