youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
