So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
