how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize