stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
