dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
