New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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