Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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