he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
