I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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