for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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