I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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