i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
