What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
