I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
