Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
