my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize