you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
