One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
