I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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