On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize