At least make sure they are 18
Why
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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