honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
