please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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