He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
