i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
