So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
