The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
vagina is talking i cant
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
