i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
