planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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