we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
