I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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