my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
