Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
