i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
3pm strippers are depressing
What a dumb baby whore.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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