I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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