i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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