Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize