so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
