I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
