Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
