She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
