Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize