I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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