no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
