This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I stole a fireplace last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize