are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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