We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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