we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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