"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
