I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i came on her dog
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
