Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
