he referred to my room as the tit cave...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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