Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
