Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
