o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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