and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize