what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
