It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
