Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
