I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
